The Real Me – Things I’m Afraid To Tell You

I’m not perfect.

There are lots of things about myself that I try to hide because I’m afraid people would think I’m nuts. That’s when I saw this article on Oprah and it inspired a change. I want my readers to know the real me. I want them to know my craziness. It’s what makes me…me….you know?

So here it goes. This is me. This is the raw, crazy me.

1. I’m an extremely jealous person. Anytime I’m happy for someone I also have a big feeling of jealousy rise up in my gut. I hate this about myself but at the same time cannot seem to beat it.

2. When I get angry I often say out loud “I hope they break a toe!” It’s just about the least horrible physical thing I can wish upon a person.

3. I’m horribly overweight. The frustrating thing is that I know a lot about food. I know how the body works, how it’s processed and what’s healthy and what’s not. I just have a really good (bad?) habit of ignoring my knowledge and eating crap anyway. Plus it doesn’t help that I’m an emotional eater. I’m sad. I eat. I’m happy. I eat…sigh.  Also, being overweight makes me nervous when I met new people. I’m afraid they won’t like me.

4. I love the idea of eating organic more than the actual process. Sometimes I’m lazy and I want to just buy a bag of already cut up lettuce.

5. I DVR WAY too much tv. The shows I watch are horrible and some of them are geared towards high school age kids. Now I’m going to share those shows with you. No judging!

  • Americas Next Top Model
  • Hell’s Kitchen
  • Sister Wives
  • Toddlers & Tiaras
  • Dance Mom’s
  • The Bachelor/ette
  • Bridezillas
  • Food Network Star/Next Iron Chef
  • Top Chef
  • The People’s Court
  • Judge Judy
  • Craft Wars
  • The Soup
  • Tosh.O
  • Vampire Diaries
  • The Client List
  • Switched at Birth
  • Jane by Design
  • The Lying Game
  • Pretty Little Liars
  • Louie
  • Melissa & Joey
  • Psych
  • Any movie thats on ABC Family, Lifetime or Hallmark.

6. I was previously engaged to a not so nice guy. I was going to get married because I just figured that was going to be my life. Then I finally got the guts to leave. I’m now engaged and getting married in October (squeal!) and couldn’t be happier. Art (my fiancee) is caring, sweet and funny. In other words, he’s the best :)

7. I’m scared to death of flying. I hate hate hate it. We are going to Aruba in August and anytime I think about it I start to have a panic attack. I don’t understand how people can like flying.

8.  I have a massive fear of dying and am always worried about it. I won’t even wear a scarf while driving because I’m scared that if I got into a crash it would somehow strangle me. Also, anytime I have a pain in my leg I start freaking out because I thinks it’s a blood clot.

9. When I was 7 years old I stole a rabbit. I took it home and told my mom I found it in the yard. She wouldn’t let me keep the rabbit and made me put it back in the yard. I’m not sure what happened to the rabbit. I still feel horrible about the whole thing.

10. Sometimes I want to make a fake Twitter account just so I can talk about all the food bloggers I can’t stand. I know it’s really immature but sometimes I really can’t stand certain people. Don’t worry. If you are reading this it’s not you :)

11. When I was 14 I was diagnosed with PCOS and it screws up my entire body. Apparently this also means I’m not supposed to be able to conceive children. I always have mixed feelings about this. I have never felt like I was the “motherly” type (I know that’s weird since I’m a nanny but it really is two different things) so I like being childless. However, I don’t really like having that option taken away from me either. I feel as thought I would rather be childless by choice rather than childless by medical issue.  PCOS took the option away from me and that really bugs me.

12. I’m snarky.

13. I hate doing laundry. I would rather buy new socks than do the laundry.

14. I’m a very outgoing person but get extremely nervous in social situations. I’m always afraid people are judging me.

15. I graduated from college over 3 years ago (I went to college late) and have still not found a “real” job. This really bugs me and makes me regret going to college. That debt is a killer.

16. I haven’t had health insurance in over 8 years. Anytime I get a cold I get worried it’s going to be pneumonia and I’m going to die because I can’t afford health care.

17. I always feel bad when I see food bloggers work has been stolen. Then I insanely think to myself “Well wait…why wasn’t my work stolen? Is it not good enough to be stolen?”

18. When I’m trying to fall asleep I often think about what it would be like to win the lottery.  I usually drift off when I start designing my dream kitchen…

19. I have a fear of swimming in “dark water” and hate anything that’s not a pool. The thought of living things inside the water (touching me….gross!) just really freaks me out.

20. I’m scared that on my wedding day people will be thinking “she has a really fat back….”

Ok. There are 20 things about me. Did I scare you off? Will you read my blog again?

While writing my 20 things I learned I’m scared of a lot of things. I need to read a self-help book I think. Either that or drink a few more beers….

Now it’s your turn – share. What are you afraid to say out loud?

_________________________________________________________________________________________

I got the idea for this post from an article I read on Oprah.  After reading the article I learned that is stemmed from an original posting by the blogger Jess Constable who runs Makeunder My Life. From there it turned into something larger thanks to Ez who invited others to join in on the journey to share the truth :) *Main image courtesy of Ez.

 

 

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79 Responses to “The Real Me – Things I’m Afraid To Tell You”

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    1
    Erin @ The Spiffy Cookie — July 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    #6 – I am so happy for you! And very glad that you got the courage to end your previous relationship.

    #7 – A friend of mine is also terrified of flying. She tends to drug herself or order alcohol when flying to get through it.

    #8 – I have panic attacks about death in general sometimes. I used to get them a lot more but I just have to tell myself there’s nothing I can do about it so I need to stop wasting the time I have.

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:05 am

      I’m happy I found a great guy too…it’s exhausting being with someone you don’t love.

      I need to take your advice about the panic attacks. I have to learn to breath.

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    Heather @girlichef — July 6, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Oh my gosh, that totally took all kinds of courage. Courage that I don’t quite have. I’ve thought many times about writing “certain” things or about certain topics in posts…but the more time I let pass, the less likely I am to do it. And ya know, it didn’t scare me off at all…it made w ant to read more! (one of my answers would surely be – loves to study people). :)

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:07 am

      You have the courage! Trust me, if I can do it you can do it. To be honest, I didn’t really feel that courageous I just wanted to share my feelings with all of you. I think of a lot of you (bloggers that is) as friends. It’s about time you all knew more about me :)

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    Shelli — July 6, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    So brave to say those things out loud! I was diagnosed bi-polar and feel like everyone I ever meet simply knows by looking at me. I am terrified of being in public due to that. But oddly enough I help a close friend deejay weddings in the summer months.

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:13 am

      I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Just like my insecurities cannot be seen, either can your illness. Have fun helping your friend deejay….that sounds like fun!

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    Katie W — July 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    I am scared that because I’m fat I’m never going to fall in love and no one is ever going to want to marry me. That in turn makes me scared that I’m going to die alone.

    • Brandy replied: — July 6th, 2012 @ 11:28 pm

      I’m not going to lie. I did used to feel like that but I truly do believe that there is a person for everyone out there! Also, not to sound cliche but it really does seem to happen when you least expect it :) I’m sure you will find your perfect match soon :)

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    Alta — July 6, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Wow, that took serious guts! I’m proud of you for putting it all out there. Also – congrats on the engagement. I know you’ll make a gorgeous bride. And also also – PCOS doesn’t automatically mean you can’t conceive. (Unless there’s more that your doc said that you’re not mentioning here) I was diagnosed with it, and so was my sister. I haven’t wanted to have children (I have 3 stepkids and that’s enough) but my sister had twins (conceived like a month after the doc said she might not have children!) so it’s totally possible. Just saying – didn’t want you to write it off.
    :)

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:18 am

      Thank you Alta. I’m so happy to hear about your sister! I’m sure the news of twins was exciting for her and the family!

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    JulieD — July 6, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    I have been saying it out loud all this time, I’m afraid to fail but not afraid enough that I won’t try.

    1. Use that jealousy to motivate yourself, if you want the same thing, there’s no reason why you should be able to get it too. Do it and you won’t regret it.
    4. I take short cuts all the time. I love Rice-a-Roni rice pilaf, there I said it. :)
    5. So do I!!! You need to add Once Upon a Time, Revenge and Person of Interest to your list. (I’m an enabler)
    10. You should do it. Haha Just kidding :)
    12 & 13 So am I, so do I.

    Love learning about you and glad you shared. This is such a great idea!! Hugs and xoxo. Love yourself for who you are and make no apologies.

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:20 am

      Thank you Julie :)
      1 – Trust me. I know I need to try to use that jealousy as motivation. I need to learn to work towards the things I want in my life. They’re certainty not going to just fall into my lap.
      2 – Ha! I love Rice-a-Roni…I will admit that too…haha
      3- Ok, I’m totally checking out those shows!
      4 – I’m seriously considering it……
      5 – I’m glad you enjoy the snark and hate laundry as much as I do. Laundry is the chore I hate the most.

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    Rachel @ Baked by Rachel — July 6, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    You make me smile and laugh and want to sit back together eating a bag of some horrible junk food watching hunky guys that play vampires :)

    • Brandy replied: — July 6th, 2012 @ 11:28 pm

      Hahahaha I’m totally down for this! When can I come over? :)

    • Brandy replied: — July 6th, 2012 @ 11:28 pm

      P.S. Can we have doritos? :)

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    Cassie — July 6, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    I’m with Rachel – and I totally admire your courage for sharing these things with us. You are awesome inside and out!!

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:21 am

      Thank you Cassie :)

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    Kathryn — July 6, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    I can relate to so many of these but I’m not as brave as you as to share them. Thank you for your courage xo

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:21 am

      Thank you Kathryn! I’m glad I haven’t scared you away :)

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    Aggie — July 6, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    You are awesome! No one is perfect, ain’t that the truth?

    I want to tell you that my little sister (younger I should say, lol) has had pcos since her teens too. No one knew what it was back then! She jumped through so many hoops, talked to so many doctors, did so much reading. She finally took control of her health & really managed her triglycerides, sugars & she lost 35 lbs and got pregnant (which 5 years & a baby later is now 85lbs)… She didn’t think she could get pregnant either. I wanted to tell you so you didn’t think there was hope, just in case.

    On the dark water note, ugh & ew & no thank you. :)

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:28 am

      Thank you Aggie! I have read a lot about PCOS and I know I need to cut down on the carbs. It messes with the insulin in my body….or so they tell me. Now I just need to learn to not love carbs so much….haha.

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    Erin — July 6, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    I was scared that you and my brother would break up and then you wouldn’t be my friend anymore. I was also scared the first time we met that you wouldn’t like me and then I wouldn’t know how to be around my brother :) we are very very very similar though..and knowing all your fears..well 20 of them makes me realize how much more alike we are. I am so happy that my brother found you and you found him. You are who he deserves to spend his life with because you are a strong, caring, wonderful person. :) I am still willing to be your surrogate if you ever decide you do want kids. :) I <3 you and all you are afraid of because that's what makes you you. Oh and I <3 watching dvr with you lol :)

    • Brandy replied: — July 6th, 2012 @ 11:50 pm

      Please. Like Artie could get away from me :) Plus, you need to come over and watch some DVR with me. It’s getting full!

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    Vianney — July 6, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Hi NN, I follow you or should I say stalk you on Instagram (sweetlifebake) and today by chance caught a your post on FB and had to jump over and read it. WOW, your amazing !!! I can relate to 15 out of the 20 you have listed. 14 is exactly how I feel everytime I am in a new situation, you would think the older you got the easier it would be, but nah! Good for you and glad I jumped over to read it. It didn;t scare me one bit, in fact you have a new fan!

    Vianney ~ from Sweet Life
    ps. 10 had me giggling out of control, I would so join you, LOL!!

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:31 am

      Thank you Vianney! I’m so glad to see you over here :) I’m getting a lot of votes for me to do number 10…haha

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    Keeley @ My Life on a Plate — July 6, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    Girl, you have courage! I’m not even putting my business out there on the internet, but just know that NOBODY is perfect and we all get jealous sometimes. You know what bugs me? I love food blogging, but so many food bloggers are stay-at-home moms and sometimes I can’t relate. I mean, I’m married and pregnant, but I never considered staying home and I don’t think it’s for me. Then I look at these people’s perfect little worlds with cute children in homemade clothing and elaborate family meals and I feel like a slacker… you know, because I go to work 12 months a year.

    I’ve met you in person and I think you’re sweet and outgoing and you don’t come off as insecure. Please, please, please don’t worry that people will think you look fat on your wedding day. I’ve seen beautiful brides of all sizes and it’s really about choosing a dress that lets you shine. I’m also happy you did not settle for marrying jerk-dude.

    There are so many people who graduated from college and are paying student loans but who are working low paying jobs with no insurance. I work in higher education and your situation is more common than people think. I am a supporter of student loan reform (lower rates and more aid available to all students) as well as expanded availability of affordable healthcare (and YES I am willing to pay the increased taxes and penalties for it). Not to get political, but you can guess that I’m voting for Obama in November. Based on what you’ve shared here, please make sure you’re registered to vote.

    (I have no idea how I just ended up in a political rant on a food blog :)

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:42 am

      Oh, Keeley…you’re the best :) Thank you so much! I’m totally with you about the whole “perfect life” that people put out into the world. I just have to keep telling myself that I wouldn’t put an ugly picture of myself on Facebook so I doubt they will show the ugly part of their life either. I think you’re great for wanting to work. The mom of the first family I worked for once said to me “I used to feel bad for being a working mother. Then I realized if I had stayed home just because of guilt I would have been a horrible mother. I would be miserable staying at home. My children would have hated me.’ I think there is a lot of truth to that statement. Do what make you happy :)

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    Marcy (mom) — July 6, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Wow!!!! I am so proud of you… As I always have been.. That took a lot of courage.. As your mother I knew some of your fears, because you have expressed them to me. I have to say some of them made me laugh & some of them brought tears to my eyes. You & I have a lot of the same fears. You have one of the biggest, sweetest compassionate hearts… When your Grandma (My Mother) passed away. You were there by My side. To do that you had to face one of your biggest fears. You hopped on a plane & came to Florida. Then you stayed by your Aunt Sue’s (My Sister) side when she had the heart attack . So she wouldn’t be alone…. Remember the sixth grade…. You had the lead part in the school play, You also sang a solo … You were awesome then & you are awesome now. Well here goes one of My biggest fears is…. I know I have Made some wrong choices in My life and because of that … I fear that My kids aren’t proud of Me sometimes & are disappointed in Me.

    You are a beautiful Lady inside & out….. And Yes as your Mother , I am so happy You & Artie are getting Married… He is a awesome guy… And he spoils you….. Love you…. See you at the Wedding……Can’t wait…..

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:43 am

      Mom – I’m always here for you and I’m proud of you. I just want the best for you…you deserve it :)

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    robynski — July 6, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    I think we could be besties in real life. I have a lot of the same kids of issues.

    I had a friend who lived in Hawaii for 10 years. I had a free place to stay and an open invitation to visit. Couldn’t go. Have you seen how much water surrounds that tiny piece of land???!!!!

    I can’t stand the fact that my mother in law lives with us and is so mean to my husband. I think my head will explode someday because of it. And, I fear the wrath of everyone I’ve ever loved because I don’t like this situation so much. I feel like such a horrible person because it has shut me down. I haven’t blogged since she moved in and I don’t like that she is able to drag us down so much.

    I need therapy. Yep.

    Oh and on the PCOS thing? All three of my daughters have it. Two have children, and one of them was completely surprised she was pregnant because the Dr. told her she’d never have children. The one who doesn’t have kids would be a great mom, but for 7 years she’s tried to get pregnant and just hasn’t.

    I’m glad you had the courage to say what you did. The weight thing? The bride thing? Don’t worry about what others are thinking. You have a great man who loves you and wants to spend his whole life with you. That’s all that really matters. Love, is, all you need.

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:47 am

      I’m sorry to hear that your MIL is such a bitch (that’s probably rude but she sounds like one….haha) Now I’m intrigued and definitely want to meet you in real life :) Also, I’m really happy that your daughters have been able to have children. I’m sure that was a blessing for them, and you!

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    Kate — July 6, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    I was diagnosed with pcos at 18 and was told I would never have kids. I was completely devastated. I’m now 30 and have a much better doctor who told me from the very beginning I could have children, it just may be harder. My husband anf I tried for a full year without any drugs our medication. Literally the night before I was going to start taking hormones, I found out I was pregnant & had my son just 15 days ago. So long story short, get yourself a good doctor – I see a reproductive endocrinologist who specializes in pcos – who knows what the heck is going on and how to best treat you. My only other advice – relax! I got pregnant on vacation, the first time in over a year I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant!

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:48 am

      Congratulations! How exciting for you :) As soon as I get health insurance I’m going to start going to a better doctor. One who can help me with my screwed up body…I can’t wait to feel normal!

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    Cathy @ Savory Notes — July 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

    #1 – Me too. Everytime I see someone twitter about becoming newly engaged, I almost cry from the jealousy. Then the BF sees me, and asks me what’s wrong, and we get into a fight. Uggghh

    #2 – That’s pretty tame! I say WAAAYY worse things when I get angry ;)

    #3 – Again, me too. I lost 40 lbs last year before having to get my gallbladder out… and then I gained back 30. It’s such a constant battle.

    #8 – I do too :( I have such bad anxiety, and have gone to the ER 2-3 times after working out because I get a pain down my arm and freak out thinking it’s a heart attack.

    #10 – I’ve totally thought about doing this before. I think I’ll just start naming-names though ;)

    #11 – Both my ma and my sister have PCOS, and both are mommies! Also, PCOS can be reversed with weight loss (easier said than done though.)

    #14 – I have an anxiety disorder, and it completely eats away at me as far as being social at all. I’m only comfortable in front of my friends; I have no “game” when it comes to going to parties and meeting new friends.

    This was an excellent post. I really appreciate your openness with us. Would you mind if I did something similar on my blog?

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:52 am

      Haha you make me laugh :) Please please please feel free to share something like this on your blog. It feels like a weight lifted off my chest to share this with all of you. Also, I have totally gone to the hospital with the same pains. I either think I’m having a heart attack or a stroke. I always leave with a diagnosis of panic attack…sigh

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    Kelli — July 7, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Just wanted to tell you that you are beautiful!!! Enjoy your wedding! It sounds like you have found a WONDERFUL man who will love you no matter what, and that is the most important thing ever!!! I was super skinny in high school when I met my now husband and I had gained some weight when we got married. I still felt like the most gorgeous bride ever because of the way my groom looked at me!! I knew then that he loved me for ME and not for my “skinny high school self!” So just focus on your groom and don’t you worry about what other people think of you!!!! Because in the end the one you are marrying is the only one that matters. I have gained even more weight since I got married – something I am working on now, but it is hard! – and my husband still looks at me like he adores me. That’s all I need :) And that’s all you need. Love your blog! Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing!

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 12:55 am

      Thank you Kelli! It sounds like we both found great guys :)

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    Lauren at Keep It Sweet — July 7, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Love this…
    6. SO happy you found the right guy that makes you so happy!
    10. Follow @shitfoodblogger http://shitfoodbloggerssay.tumblr.com/
    11. My sister has PCOS but I’m pretty sure they just told her it might be harder to have kids… definitely worth looking into again so that if you want the option you will know if you have it… get some health insurance, lady!

    Oh and anyone who actually would care if you are overweight or not- clearly not good enough to be your friend.

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 1:00 am

      Thank you Lauren :) I love Shit Food Bloggers Say! Cracks me the hell up! Also, once I get married I get health insurance. I’m probably going to spend a solid month in doctors offices…haha

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    Elizabeth @Mango_Queen — July 7, 2012 at 8:01 am

    You are special by just being you and you are awesome. Thank you for your candor and sharing with us, your readers your inner feelings. For that, you’re a winner in my book ! Take care and stay as wonderful as you are :-)

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 1:01 am

      Thank you Elizabeth :)

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    fambly kittens — July 7, 2012 at 8:10 am

    Stop reading your blog? You have GOT to be kidding. After today it will be one of the staples in my pantry of blogs not to miss. What you did took courage. I’m going to do the same with my close friends and see what happens – will they respond in kind or just read what I have to say and keep their issues to themselves? Interesting…

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 1:02 am

      Thank you! It felt so good to share myself with everyone. I’m glad I didn’t scare you off :)

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    Faith — July 7, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Oh boy, stop reading your blog? Posts like this are why I <3 you! I think it's pretty amazing, not only that you're courageous enough to share this with us, but also that you *really* know yourself. (So many people don't want to admit the truth, even to themselves.) But really, knowledge is power.

    You are a great person and friend, and I wish all the best for you. XO

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 1:04 am

      Thank you Faith! You’re the best food blogger friend a girl could ask for :) I was actually amazed after writing all of that out how much fear I have. It’s going to take a lot to get over all of that.

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    Terra — July 7, 2012 at 9:31 am

    I know we don’t comment on each others blogs much, but I definitely enjoy following you. You sound like you are a beautiful soul inside and out! BUT you also sound like you get nervous over many things, I say enjoy life, every ounce of it. I finally realized I was never going to be little, so I had to love who I truly am. I have seen pictures of you, you are truly beautiful!! Who cares what people say, they don’t matter than, what matters is what you think. Life, people, everything can be intense if you make it that. Try to stop and enjoy every moment, we are only given one shot at this life, why waste it on sweating small stuff right? Thank you for sharing, Have a beautiful day, Hugs, Terra

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 1:08 am

      Thank you Terra! I love what you said about “life, people, everything can be intense if you make it that way.” That is so true. I know I need to learn to relax more. I think opening up and sharing these fears have made me even more aware of them. I think that is going to help me get over some of my issues.

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    Victoria — July 7, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Wow! That was super courageous of you!! I feel like you and I could bond over some things. I have similar worries about what people think of me and my weight. Not to mention, we watch a lot of the same TV shows. Like everything on ABC Family!! I loooove Pretty Little Liars. And Dance Moms (which I know
    I should act like I don’t, but I can’t help it!!)

    Anyway, thank you for doing this. I think I’m going to make a list like this just to see if it could help me in any way.

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 1:12 am

      Thank you Victoria! You should make a list for yourself. It really has helped me a lot. It makes me more aware of my issues that need changing. Also, I LOVE Dance Moms! I could totally talk in depth about that….haha

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    In Katrina's Kitchen — July 7, 2012 at 11:56 am

    I love you! I want to get in on the Dorito eating girls night. I have so much to write but my kiddo is crawling all over me and I’m pretty sure he needed a diaper change an hour ago. #motheroftheyear :)

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 1:13 am

      Hahaha Katrina you crack me up :) BTW I’m really looking forward to Dorito night…haha

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    Averie @ Averie Cooks — July 7, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    What an honest and raw post and beautiful. Big kahunas to share it and bravo to you – and so glad you found an amazing man and didnt marry the not nice one!

    Regarding PCOS, I know MANY women personally who have PCOS and conceived…some with no help, some with some moderate help, but they have kids so it’s not a finality – just saying this as a ray of hope if you ever want kids :)

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 1:15 am

      Thank you Averie :)

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    Christine — July 7, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    Thanks for sharing! I appreciate your bravery and the chance to get to know you better. Congrats on finding the perfect guy.

    • Brandy replied: — July 8th, 2012 @ 1:16 am

      Thank you Christine! I’m glad I didn’t scare you off :)

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    Kerstin — July 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    I always enjoy posts like this and have been meaning to do some myself – I like getting to know everyone better!

    I’ve always thought it would be funny to have a fake healthy living blog showing the very same picture of oatmeal and smoothies every day, but then I feel bad and snarky :)

    Oh, and I hope we get to hear more about your wedding plans- congrats :)

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    Erin @ Dinners, Dishes, and Desserts — July 8, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    What a great post!! So glad you got the courage to share this! I can relate to lots of your points, so you are not alone, that is for sure!!!

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    Reeni — July 8, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    You are so brave!!! For putting it all out there. Some of these things are surprising because I don’t think of you that way at all. For instance you come across as very confident and extremely outgoing as well as fun, light-hearted and easygoing. I can’t imagine anyone not liking you. Plus you have the BEST smile and almost every time I see a picture of you on Facebook you’re flashing your pearly whites. I have some of your same fears – of dying, of never finding the right guy (had more than one bad one before), of flying and I like teen shows too like the Vampire Diaries and – don’t laugh – ICarly. OK you can laugh. I’m watching Family channel right now – Harry Potter for the 100th time.

    Anywhoo I’m happy you found a good guy! It means there’s still hope for me. Can’t wait to see your wedding pictures. You’re going to be a beautiful bride!

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    Joanne — July 8, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    This post made me adore you even more!!
    (a) I’m totally an emotional overeater also. And I just force myself to exercise to compensate.
    (b) I hate flying and am totally afraid of death also. Petrified, actually.
    (c) Your back is going to look totally hot on your wedding day!

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    DessertForTwo — July 8, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Oh my gosh, Brandy! This makes me like you EVEN MORE!

    For one, we pretty much DVR the exact same shows. Except I have some even trashier ones than you, including Real Housewives, etc.
    Two, I get jealous of others’ success. I am truly happy for them at first, then I think that success is limited in the world and if they succeed, I won’t. It’s dumb, but I think it all the time.
    Three, I have a horrible thought that keeps replaying in my head. I’m engaged just like you, and I really want my fiance to give me the option to stay at home and be a mom. I would never take it–I will always be a career gal, but I really want him to give me the option. In my head, it makes me think that he cares about me 100% if he would support me. It’s so stupid because 1) I walk around thinking he only cares about me 99% and 2) I don’t want to stay at home, but I want the option? So dumb!
    Four, I totally want to create a fake twitter account too and bitch about really famous bloggers that have cookbooks full of recipes that FAIL. I can’t even hold it in anymore when it comes to certain bloggers. They have millions of adoring fans and AWFUL recipes! Drives me nuts!

    Ok,
    Love ya!
    xo
    Christina

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    Megan — July 8, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    omg. number 8!! I can totally relate to that one in particular. I think about death way more than it’s healthy for me, and if anything feels even remotely odd in my body i think “i’m dyin’…” and yes to the blood clots in the leg thing. Also, after reading all this I love you and your blog even more ;)

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    AmyRuth — July 8, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    whew…. I’m just glad I’m your instagram friend. Thankful I made the cut because I am not famous. lol Maybe I’m better off that way. Who knows?

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    Christina — July 8, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    Afraid to self promote (nuts eh?!) our cool stuff because the Internet is LOUD!
    Have been holding back because of “old friends” who I recently realized weren’t friends-ever have that happen?
    Finding people on Twitter that outshine 3D people I see every day, and love it (you).
    Had to accept that my family doesn’t get me and that’s fine. I love meeting strong loud independent people who make their own rules because they change the game of life for the better and because of this, I don’t fit in in some places and get bored easily.
    I love reinventing me as I feel works better and have learned to let go of people who expect me to show up as “the same” person every day. Kids get this flow, life is for expanding-people who don’t like it seem to get angry when I change a position or even a look.
    Great to meet you-and so glad you’re open and honest because it’s inspiring for everyone to do it, too!

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    Miss @ Miss in the Kitchen — July 9, 2012 at 12:02 am

    You are so courageous! Honesty is such a virtue to me and it really starts with being honest with ourselves. You will be a beautiful bride!
    I know we’ve talked about the fear of flying on twitter, except I still haven’t had to fly! I hope you realized how much you are loved and how much you inspire others!

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    Megan's Cookin' — July 9, 2012 at 12:48 am

    Great post Brandy. I can identify with several of these issues. I’m to chunky, I need to eat healthier., I buy bagged lettuce. And I love love love the Bachelor/ette! Thanks for being real!!!

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    G M — July 9, 2012 at 1:53 am

    I think you are awesome for admitting to all that!!!
    It feels good to know I am npt alone in this world to be afraid of or to be going through certain things
    congrats!! All brides are stunning on their wedding day and you will be too!!

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    Carrie @ Bakeaholic Mama — July 9, 2012 at 9:14 am

    This took some guts to write! I wish I could be more open like this on my blog. We have a few fears in common (I have some minor anxiety issues to say the least!) I’m so scared of death… I actually say a little prayer every time I load my kids into the car and I won’t bring the kids on a boat on the ocean because I’m scared of shark attacks.

    PS I buy bagged lettuce. I’m super lazy.

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    Rachel Heath — July 9, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Brandy! I think you’re so brave for posting this. :)

    Number 14… ohmygoshjustyes. Yes. That’s SO me. I’m just petrified of being judged. I’ve grown a lot over the past few years and it used to be a lot worse, but I’m still always thinking, “What does he/she think of me?” and I HATE it.

    I’m afraid of making myself vulnerable and realizing that no one cares. I guess it has no do with feeling judged, but every time I publish a blog post, I go back to my site stats obsessively to see how many people have read it. I have an unhealthy habit of looking for validation from other people!

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    Bestfoodies — July 12, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Very powerful post. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with my fears…they inhabit my everyday life, affect me, my family and my friends….writing Bestfoodies blog and visiting all the wonderful blogs out there is suppose to be “therapy” for me and a way to get me to communicate with more people as I am not a social person at all. Let me share how that goes, I write a post then I worry it sucks and that one will read it, and then that I am a bad blogger and why can’t I break into the blogging tight circle and how bad my pics are and what if someone tries the recipe and it flops for them or what if it’s too close to someone elses recipe ( which I totally think there is only so many basic recipes out there and we all just modify them…there my brave comment for the year) and on and on and on …soooo the result is although I love blogging I tend to be running from it a lot lately and the heat and the summer family time as well as all my other health issues seem to make it easy to take “flight”….thanks for being so brave…wish me luck1

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    Rob — July 12, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    So proud of you as always. For someone with so many fears you are one of the most courageous, cool, funny, and interesting ladies I’ve ever met. Very glad you’re my sister!

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    Beth @ Kitchen Minions — July 13, 2012 at 11:12 am

    I am new to your blog and this post hooked me. First, I never thought I’d meet someone that had similar DVR tastes to me, my husband leaves the room for much of this tv. I am overweight and was overweight when we got married and to be honest, I found a great photographer that didn’t take (or at least didn’t show me) and unflattering pictures of myself so all of that worrying was for naught you will be gorgeous because you are in love :)Also, I totally understand about PCOS. I was diagnosed over a decade ago and trying to beat the odds, and that is my biggest fear, that I won’t beat the odds… Thanks for sharing!

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    megan @ whatmegansmakin — July 13, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    I’m late replying to this, but I just had to write and tell you how brave I think you are! And how much we have in common! Seriously, I worry more (much more) than the average person. You should see me when my husband is traveling and I’m home alone at night – I’m seriously a wreck. I also watch tv shows that aren’t the most intellectually stimulating, I also struggle wih jealousy (who doesnt??), I worry about people judging me, and seriously, living things in the water terrify me! We live in Michigan where there are a million lakes and everyone swims in them. Everyone but me. My husband tried to take me snorkeling on our honeymoon and I freaked out when the fish got too close, climbed on his back and looked so genuinely terrified that the people around us had to ask if I was ok. Ha, still makes me laugh (and turn red). Anyway, sorry for writing a novel, just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone!

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    Renee - Kudos Kitchen — July 15, 2012 at 10:10 am

    I completely appreciate your brutal honesty here. The courage it must have taken for you to write this is astounding! I must tell you, I saw myself in MANY of your listings. The most brutally honest thing I can tell you about myself here is that I try to hard to have people like me. I sensor myself and hold back my true feelings because I need to feel liked. Don’t know why. Most of the people I’m trying to get to like me, I don’t even know (in real life) so I don’t get the importance. I think most of all I don’t want to feel invisible (and yet sometimes I do). I’m an odd mix of insecurities. There. That’s enough for one day. LOL I’m very happy for you and your upcoming wedding! I’m glad you found the man you can’t live without! Congratulations Brandy!

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    Rachel Cooks — July 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    I can’t believe I missed this post! I love you!

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    Barbara @ Barbara Bakes — July 20, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    No. 17 especially cracked me up. I’m sure lots of us have had the same crazy thoughts. I’m so glad you found a really terrific guy. I wish you all the bests.

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    Jessie — July 23, 2012 at 7:43 am

    I too am an emotional eater. I really hate going out to eat with people because I feel like they are saying mean things about me when I don’t order a salad. I also convince myself when I don’t get a client that I’ve had a meeting with its because I am fat and have crooked teeth. Then I eat something bad for me. It’s a vicious cycle.

    I also convince myself of blood clots when my legs hurt. I think I googled why those dumb airplane manuals tell you to get up and move around and I’ve been paranoid since.

    You are so brave for posting this! Xo you!

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    Megan — July 23, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    You are too cute!

    Number 7, 8, 14, and 19 are me!

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    Michelle @The Adirondack Chick — August 6, 2012 at 10:24 am

    This is a fabulous post, and has actually made me want to read your site more. I was just diagnosed with PCOS, after struggling with weight for the last several years, and doctors not being able to figure it out.

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    BigFatBaker — August 18, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    You are so awesome! I am even too afraid to do this… But I love you even more after reading it! I am the same as you with 1, 4 and 12. 6 – I am so scared of this…what if I don’t figure it out? Am I over thinking everything? Uhg! 10 – please, please do. 17 – LOL!

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