The Real Me – Things I’m Afraid To Tell You
Jul 06, 2012, Updated Aug 31, 2018
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I’m not perfect.
There are lots of things about myself that I try to hide because I’m afraid people would think I’m nuts. That’s when I saw this article on Oprah and it inspired a change. I want my readers to know the real me. I want them to know my craziness. It’s what makes me…me….you know?
So here it goes. This is me. This is the raw, crazy me.
1. I’m an extremely jealous person. Anytime I’m happy for someone I also have a big feeling of jealousy rise up in my gut. I hate this about myself but at the same time cannot seem to beat it.
2. When I get angry I often say out loud “I hope they break a toe!” It’s just about the least horrible physical thing I can wish upon a person.
3. I’m horribly overweight. The frustrating thing is that I know a lot about food. I know how the body works, how it’s processed and what’s healthy and what’s not. I just have a really good (bad?) habit of ignoring my knowledge and eating crap anyway. Plus it doesn’t help that I’m an emotional eater. I’m sad. I eat. I’m happy. I eat…sigh. Also, being overweight makes me nervous when I met new people. I’m afraid they won’t like me.
4. I love the idea of eating organic more than the actual process. Sometimes I’m lazy and I want to just buy a bag of already cut up lettuce.
5. I DVR WAY too much tv. The shows I watch are horrible and some of them are geared towards high school age kids. Now I’m going to share those shows with you. No judging!
- Americas Next Top Model
- Hell’s Kitchen
- Sister Wives
- Toddlers & Tiaras
- Dance Mom’s
- The Bachelor/ette
- Bridezillas
- Food Network Star/Next Iron Chef
- Top Chef
- The People’s Court
- Judge Judy
- Craft Wars
- The Soup
- Tosh.O
- Vampire Diaries
- The Client List
- Switched at Birth
- Jane by Design
- The Lying Game
- Pretty Little Liars
- Louie
- Melissa & Joey
- Psych
- Any movie thats on ABC Family, Lifetime or Hallmark.
6. I was previously engaged to a not so nice guy. I was going to get married because I just figured that was going to be my life. Then I finally got the guts to leave. I’m now engaged and getting married in October (squeal!) and couldn’t be happier. Art (my fiancee) is caring, sweet and funny. In other words, he’s the best 🙂
7. I’m scared to death of flying. I hate hate hate it. We are going to Aruba in August and anytime I think about it I start to have a panic attack. I don’t understand how people can like flying.
8. I have a massive fear of dying and am always worried about it. I won’t even wear a scarf while driving because I’m scared that if I got into a crash it would somehow strangle me. Also, anytime I have a pain in my leg I start freaking out because I thinks it’s a blood clot.
9. When I was 7 years old I stole a rabbit. I took it home and told my mom I found it in the yard. She wouldn’t let me keep the rabbit and made me put it back in the yard. I’m not sure what happened to the rabbit. I still feel horrible about the whole thing.
10. Sometimes I want to make a fake Twitter account just so I can talk about all the food bloggers I can’t stand. I know it’s really immature but sometimes I really can’t stand certain people. Don’t worry. If you are reading this it’s not you 🙂
11. When I was 14 I was diagnosed with PCOS and it screws up my entire body. Apparently this also means I’m not supposed to be able to conceive children. I always have mixed feelings about this. I have never felt like I was the “motherly” type (I know that’s weird since I’m a nanny but it really is two different things) so I like being childless. However, I don’t really like having that option taken away from me either. I feel as thought I would rather be childless by choice rather than childless by medical issue. PCOS took the option away from me and that really bugs me.
12. I’m snarky.
13. I hate doing laundry. I would rather buy new socks than do the laundry.
14. I’m a very outgoing person but get extremely nervous in social situations. I’m always afraid people are judging me.
15. I graduated from college over 3 years ago (I went to college late) and have still not found a “real” job. This really bugs me and makes me regret going to college. That debt is a killer.
16. I haven’t had health insurance in over 8 years. Anytime I get a cold I get worried it’s going to be pneumonia and I’m going to die because I can’t afford health care.
17. I always feel bad when I see food bloggers work has been stolen. Then I insanely think to myself “Well wait…why wasn’t my work stolen? Is it not good enough to be stolen?”
18. When I’m trying to fall asleep I often think about what it would be like to win the lottery. I usually drift off when I start designing my dream kitchen…
19. I have a fear of swimming in “dark water” and hate anything that’s not a pool. The thought of living things inside the water (touching me….gross!) just really freaks me out.
20. I’m scared that on my wedding day people will be thinking “she has a really fat back….”
Ok. There are 20 things about me. Did I scare you off? Will you read my blog again?
While writing my 20 things I learned I’m scared of a lot of things. I need to read a self-help book I think. Either that or drink a few more beers….
Now it’s your turn – share. What are you afraid to say out loud?
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I got the idea for this post from an article I read on Oprah. After reading the article I learned that is stemmed from an original posting by the blogger Jess Constable who runs Makeunder My Life. From there it turned into something larger thanks to Ez who invited others to join in on the journey to share the truth 🙂 *Main image courtesy of Ez.
#6 – I am so happy for you! And very glad that you got the courage to end your previous relationship.
#7 – A friend of mine is also terrified of flying. She tends to drug herself or order alcohol when flying to get through it.
#8 – I have panic attacks about death in general sometimes. I used to get them a lot more but I just have to tell myself there’s nothing I can do about it so I need to stop wasting the time I have.
I’m happy I found a great guy too…it’s exhausting being with someone you don’t love.
I need to take your advice about the panic attacks. I have to learn to breath.
Oh my gosh, that totally took all kinds of courage. Courage that I don’t quite have. I’ve thought many times about writing “certain” things or about certain topics in posts…but the more time I let pass, the less likely I am to do it. And ya know, it didn’t scare me off at all…it made w ant to read more! (one of my answers would surely be – loves to study people). 🙂
You have the courage! Trust me, if I can do it you can do it. To be honest, I didn’t really feel that courageous I just wanted to share my feelings with all of you. I think of a lot of you (bloggers that is) as friends. It’s about time you all knew more about me 🙂
So brave to say those things out loud! I was diagnosed bi-polar and feel like everyone I ever meet simply knows by looking at me. I am terrified of being in public due to that. But oddly enough I help a close friend deejay weddings in the summer months.
I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Just like my insecurities cannot be seen, either can your illness. Have fun helping your friend deejay….that sounds like fun!
I am scared that because I’m fat I’m never going to fall in love and no one is ever going to want to marry me. That in turn makes me scared that I’m going to die alone.
I’m not going to lie. I did used to feel like that but I truly do believe that there is a person for everyone out there! Also, not to sound cliche but it really does seem to happen when you least expect it 🙂 I’m sure you will find your perfect match soon 🙂
Wow, that took serious guts! I’m proud of you for putting it all out there. Also – congrats on the engagement. I know you’ll make a gorgeous bride. And also also – PCOS doesn’t automatically mean you can’t conceive. (Unless there’s more that your doc said that you’re not mentioning here) I was diagnosed with it, and so was my sister. I haven’t wanted to have children (I have 3 stepkids and that’s enough) but my sister had twins (conceived like a month after the doc said she might not have children!) so it’s totally possible. Just saying – didn’t want you to write it off.
🙂
Thank you Alta. I’m so happy to hear about your sister! I’m sure the news of twins was exciting for her and the family!
I have been saying it out loud all this time, I’m afraid to fail but not afraid enough that I won’t try.
1. Use that jealousy to motivate yourself, if you want the same thing, there’s no reason why you should be able to get it too. Do it and you won’t regret it.
4. I take short cuts all the time. I love Rice-a-Roni rice pilaf, there I said it. 🙂
5. So do I!!! You need to add Once Upon a Time, Revenge and Person of Interest to your list. (I’m an enabler)
10. You should do it. Haha Just kidding 🙂
12 & 13 So am I, so do I.
Love learning about you and glad you shared. This is such a great idea!! Hugs and xoxo. Love yourself for who you are and make no apologies.
Thank you Julie 🙂
1 – Trust me. I know I need to try to use that jealousy as motivation. I need to learn to work towards the things I want in my life. They’re certainty not going to just fall into my lap.
2 – Ha! I love Rice-a-Roni…I will admit that too…haha
3- Ok, I’m totally checking out those shows!
4 – I’m seriously considering it……
5 – I’m glad you enjoy the snark and hate laundry as much as I do. Laundry is the chore I hate the most.
You make me smile and laugh and want to sit back together eating a bag of some horrible junk food watching hunky guys that play vampires 🙂
Hahahaha I’m totally down for this! When can I come over? 🙂
P.S. Can we have doritos? 🙂
I’m with Rachel – and I totally admire your courage for sharing these things with us. You are awesome inside and out!!
Thank you Cassie 🙂
I can relate to so many of these but I’m not as brave as you as to share them. Thank you for your courage xo
Thank you Kathryn! I’m glad I haven’t scared you away 🙂
You are awesome! No one is perfect, ain’t that the truth?
I want to tell you that my little sister (younger I should say, lol) has had pcos since her teens too. No one knew what it was back then! She jumped through so many hoops, talked to so many doctors, did so much reading. She finally took control of her health & really managed her triglycerides, sugars & she lost 35 lbs and got pregnant (which 5 years & a baby later is now 85lbs)… She didn’t think she could get pregnant either. I wanted to tell you so you didn’t think there was hope, just in case.
On the dark water note, ugh & ew & no thank you. 🙂
Thank you Aggie! I have read a lot about PCOS and I know I need to cut down on the carbs. It messes with the insulin in my body….or so they tell me. Now I just need to learn to not love carbs so much….haha.