The Real Me – Things I’m Afraid To Tell You
Jul 06, 2012, Updated Aug 31, 2018
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I’m not perfect.
There are lots of things about myself that I try to hide because I’m afraid people would think I’m nuts. That’s when I saw this article on Oprah and it inspired a change. I want my readers to know the real me. I want them to know my craziness. It’s what makes me…me….you know?
So here it goes. This is me. This is the raw, crazy me.
1. I’m an extremely jealous person. Anytime I’m happy for someone I also have a big feeling of jealousy rise up in my gut. I hate this about myself but at the same time cannot seem to beat it.
2. When I get angry I often say out loud “I hope they break a toe!” It’s just about the least horrible physical thing I can wish upon a person.
3. I’m horribly overweight. The frustrating thing is that I know a lot about food. I know how the body works, how it’s processed and what’s healthy and what’s not. I just have a really good (bad?) habit of ignoring my knowledge and eating crap anyway. Plus it doesn’t help that I’m an emotional eater. I’m sad. I eat. I’m happy. I eat…sigh. Also, being overweight makes me nervous when I met new people. I’m afraid they won’t like me.
4. I love the idea of eating organic more than the actual process. Sometimes I’m lazy and I want to just buy a bag of already cut up lettuce.
5. I DVR WAY too much tv. The shows I watch are horrible and some of them are geared towards high school age kids. Now I’m going to share those shows with you. No judging!
- Americas Next Top Model
- Hell’s Kitchen
- Sister Wives
- Toddlers & Tiaras
- Dance Mom’s
- The Bachelor/ette
- Bridezillas
- Food Network Star/Next Iron Chef
- Top Chef
- The People’s Court
- Judge Judy
- Craft Wars
- The Soup
- Tosh.O
- Vampire Diaries
- The Client List
- Switched at Birth
- Jane by Design
- The Lying Game
- Pretty Little Liars
- Louie
- Melissa & Joey
- Psych
- Any movie thats on ABC Family, Lifetime or Hallmark.
6. I was previously engaged to a not so nice guy. I was going to get married because I just figured that was going to be my life. Then I finally got the guts to leave. I’m now engaged and getting married in October (squeal!) and couldn’t be happier. Art (my fiancee) is caring, sweet and funny. In other words, he’s the best 🙂
7. I’m scared to death of flying. I hate hate hate it. We are going to Aruba in August and anytime I think about it I start to have a panic attack. I don’t understand how people can like flying.
8. I have a massive fear of dying and am always worried about it. I won’t even wear a scarf while driving because I’m scared that if I got into a crash it would somehow strangle me. Also, anytime I have a pain in my leg I start freaking out because I thinks it’s a blood clot.
9. When I was 7 years old I stole a rabbit. I took it home and told my mom I found it in the yard. She wouldn’t let me keep the rabbit and made me put it back in the yard. I’m not sure what happened to the rabbit. I still feel horrible about the whole thing.
10. Sometimes I want to make a fake Twitter account just so I can talk about all the food bloggers I can’t stand. I know it’s really immature but sometimes I really can’t stand certain people. Don’t worry. If you are reading this it’s not you 🙂
11. When I was 14 I was diagnosed with PCOS and it screws up my entire body. Apparently this also means I’m not supposed to be able to conceive children. I always have mixed feelings about this. I have never felt like I was the “motherly” type (I know that’s weird since I’m a nanny but it really is two different things) so I like being childless. However, I don’t really like having that option taken away from me either. I feel as thought I would rather be childless by choice rather than childless by medical issue. PCOS took the option away from me and that really bugs me.
12. I’m snarky.
13. I hate doing laundry. I would rather buy new socks than do the laundry.
14. I’m a very outgoing person but get extremely nervous in social situations. I’m always afraid people are judging me.
15. I graduated from college over 3 years ago (I went to college late) and have still not found a “real” job. This really bugs me and makes me regret going to college. That debt is a killer.
16. I haven’t had health insurance in over 8 years. Anytime I get a cold I get worried it’s going to be pneumonia and I’m going to die because I can’t afford health care.
17. I always feel bad when I see food bloggers work has been stolen. Then I insanely think to myself “Well wait…why wasn’t my work stolen? Is it not good enough to be stolen?”
18. When I’m trying to fall asleep I often think about what it would be like to win the lottery. I usually drift off when I start designing my dream kitchen…
19. I have a fear of swimming in “dark water” and hate anything that’s not a pool. The thought of living things inside the water (touching me….gross!) just really freaks me out.
20. I’m scared that on my wedding day people will be thinking “she has a really fat back….”
Ok. There are 20 things about me. Did I scare you off? Will you read my blog again?
While writing my 20 things I learned I’m scared of a lot of things. I need to read a self-help book I think. Either that or drink a few more beers….
Now it’s your turn – share. What are you afraid to say out loud?
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I got the idea for this post from an article I read on Oprah. After reading the article I learned that is stemmed from an original posting by the blogger Jess Constable who runs Makeunder My Life. From there it turned into something larger thanks to Ez who invited others to join in on the journey to share the truth 🙂 *Main image courtesy of Ez.
I was scared that you and my brother would break up and then you wouldn’t be my friend anymore. I was also scared the first time we met that you wouldn’t like me and then I wouldn’t know how to be around my brother 🙂 we are very very very similar though..and knowing all your fears..well 20 of them makes me realize how much more alike we are. I am so happy that my brother found you and you found him. You are who he deserves to spend his life with because you are a strong, caring, wonderful person. 🙂 I am still willing to be your surrogate if you ever decide you do want kids. 🙂 I <3 you and all you are afraid of because that's what makes you you. Oh and I <3 watching dvr with you lol 🙂
Please. Like Artie could get away from me 🙂 Plus, you need to come over and watch some DVR with me. It’s getting full!
Hi NN, I follow you or should I say stalk you on Instagram (sweetlifebake) and today by chance caught a your post on FB and had to jump over and read it. WOW, your amazing !!! I can relate to 15 out of the 20 you have listed. 14 is exactly how I feel everytime I am in a new situation, you would think the older you got the easier it would be, but nah! Good for you and glad I jumped over to read it. It didn;t scare me one bit, in fact you have a new fan!
Vianney ~ from Sweet Life
ps. 10 had me giggling out of control, I would so join you, LOL!!
Thank you Vianney! I’m so glad to see you over here 🙂 I’m getting a lot of votes for me to do number 10…haha
Girl, you have courage! I’m not even putting my business out there on the internet, but just know that NOBODY is perfect and we all get jealous sometimes. You know what bugs me? I love food blogging, but so many food bloggers are stay-at-home moms and sometimes I can’t relate. I mean, I’m married and pregnant, but I never considered staying home and I don’t think it’s for me. Then I look at these people’s perfect little worlds with cute children in homemade clothing and elaborate family meals and I feel like a slacker… you know, because I go to work 12 months a year.
I’ve met you in person and I think you’re sweet and outgoing and you don’t come off as insecure. Please, please, please don’t worry that people will think you look fat on your wedding day. I’ve seen beautiful brides of all sizes and it’s really about choosing a dress that lets you shine. I’m also happy you did not settle for marrying jerk-dude.
There are so many people who graduated from college and are paying student loans but who are working low paying jobs with no insurance. I work in higher education and your situation is more common than people think. I am a supporter of student loan reform (lower rates and more aid available to all students) as well as expanded availability of affordable healthcare (and YES I am willing to pay the increased taxes and penalties for it). Not to get political, but you can guess that I’m voting for Obama in November. Based on what you’ve shared here, please make sure you’re registered to vote.
(I have no idea how I just ended up in a political rant on a food blog 🙂
Oh, Keeley…you’re the best 🙂 Thank you so much! I’m totally with you about the whole “perfect life” that people put out into the world. I just have to keep telling myself that I wouldn’t put an ugly picture of myself on Facebook so I doubt they will show the ugly part of their life either. I think you’re great for wanting to work. The mom of the first family I worked for once said to me “I used to feel bad for being a working mother. Then I realized if I had stayed home just because of guilt I would have been a horrible mother. I would be miserable staying at home. My children would have hated me.’ I think there is a lot of truth to that statement. Do what make you happy 🙂
Wow!!!! I am so proud of you… As I always have been.. That took a lot of courage.. As your mother I knew some of your fears, because you have expressed them to me. I have to say some of them made me laugh & some of them brought tears to my eyes. You & I have a lot of the same fears. You have one of the biggest, sweetest compassionate hearts… When your Grandma (My Mother) passed away. You were there by My side. To do that you had to face one of your biggest fears. You hopped on a plane & came to Florida. Then you stayed by your Aunt Sue’s (My Sister) side when she had the heart attack . So she wouldn’t be alone…. Remember the sixth grade…. You had the lead part in the school play, You also sang a solo … You were awesome then & you are awesome now. Well here goes one of My biggest fears is…. I know I have Made some wrong choices in My life and because of that … I fear that My kids aren’t proud of Me sometimes & are disappointed in Me.
You are a beautiful Lady inside & out….. And Yes as your Mother , I am so happy You & Artie are getting Married… He is a awesome guy… And he spoils you….. Love you…. See you at the Wedding……Can’t wait…..
Mom – I’m always here for you and I’m proud of you. I just want the best for you…you deserve it 🙂
I think we could be besties in real life. I have a lot of the same kids of issues.
I had a friend who lived in Hawaii for 10 years. I had a free place to stay and an open invitation to visit. Couldn’t go. Have you seen how much water surrounds that tiny piece of land???!!!!
I can’t stand the fact that my mother in law lives with us and is so mean to my husband. I think my head will explode someday because of it. And, I fear the wrath of everyone I’ve ever loved because I don’t like this situation so much. I feel like such a horrible person because it has shut me down. I haven’t blogged since she moved in and I don’t like that she is able to drag us down so much.
I need therapy. Yep.
Oh and on the PCOS thing? All three of my daughters have it. Two have children, and one of them was completely surprised she was pregnant because the Dr. told her she’d never have children. The one who doesn’t have kids would be a great mom, but for 7 years she’s tried to get pregnant and just hasn’t.
I’m glad you had the courage to say what you did. The weight thing? The bride thing? Don’t worry about what others are thinking. You have a great man who loves you and wants to spend his whole life with you. That’s all that really matters. Love, is, all you need.
I’m sorry to hear that your MIL is such a bitch (that’s probably rude but she sounds like one….haha) Now I’m intrigued and definitely want to meet you in real life 🙂 Also, I’m really happy that your daughters have been able to have children. I’m sure that was a blessing for them, and you!
I was diagnosed with pcos at 18 and was told I would never have kids. I was completely devastated. I’m now 30 and have a much better doctor who told me from the very beginning I could have children, it just may be harder. My husband anf I tried for a full year without any drugs our medication. Literally the night before I was going to start taking hormones, I found out I was pregnant & had my son just 15 days ago. So long story short, get yourself a good doctor – I see a reproductive endocrinologist who specializes in pcos – who knows what the heck is going on and how to best treat you. My only other advice – relax! I got pregnant on vacation, the first time in over a year I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant!
Congratulations! How exciting for you 🙂 As soon as I get health insurance I’m going to start going to a better doctor. One who can help me with my screwed up body…I can’t wait to feel normal!
#1 – Me too. Everytime I see someone twitter about becoming newly engaged, I almost cry from the jealousy. Then the BF sees me, and asks me what’s wrong, and we get into a fight. Uggghh
#2 – That’s pretty tame! I say WAAAYY worse things when I get angry 😉
#3 – Again, me too. I lost 40 lbs last year before having to get my gallbladder out… and then I gained back 30. It’s such a constant battle.
#8 – I do too 🙁 I have such bad anxiety, and have gone to the ER 2-3 times after working out because I get a pain down my arm and freak out thinking it’s a heart attack.
#10 – I’ve totally thought about doing this before. I think I’ll just start naming-names though 😉
#11 – Both my ma and my sister have PCOS, and both are mommies! Also, PCOS can be reversed with weight loss (easier said than done though.)
#14 – I have an anxiety disorder, and it completely eats away at me as far as being social at all. I’m only comfortable in front of my friends; I have no “game” when it comes to going to parties and meeting new friends.
This was an excellent post. I really appreciate your openness with us. Would you mind if I did something similar on my blog?
Haha you make me laugh 🙂 Please please please feel free to share something like this on your blog. It feels like a weight lifted off my chest to share this with all of you. Also, I have totally gone to the hospital with the same pains. I either think I’m having a heart attack or a stroke. I always leave with a diagnosis of panic attack…sigh
Just wanted to tell you that you are beautiful!!! Enjoy your wedding! It sounds like you have found a WONDERFUL man who will love you no matter what, and that is the most important thing ever!!! I was super skinny in high school when I met my now husband and I had gained some weight when we got married. I still felt like the most gorgeous bride ever because of the way my groom looked at me!! I knew then that he loved me for ME and not for my “skinny high school self!” So just focus on your groom and don’t you worry about what other people think of you!!!! Because in the end the one you are marrying is the only one that matters. I have gained even more weight since I got married – something I am working on now, but it is hard! – and my husband still looks at me like he adores me. That’s all I need 🙂 And that’s all you need. Love your blog! Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing!
Thank you Kelli! It sounds like we both found great guys 🙂
Love this…
6. SO happy you found the right guy that makes you so happy!
10. Follow @shitfoodblogger https://shitfoodbloggerssay.tumblr.com/
11. My sister has PCOS but I’m pretty sure they just told her it might be harder to have kids… definitely worth looking into again so that if you want the option you will know if you have it… get some health insurance, lady!
Oh and anyone who actually would care if you are overweight or not- clearly not good enough to be your friend.
Thank you Lauren 🙂 I love Shit Food Bloggers Say! Cracks me the hell up! Also, once I get married I get health insurance. I’m probably going to spend a solid month in doctors offices…haha
You are special by just being you and you are awesome. Thank you for your candor and sharing with us, your readers your inner feelings. For that, you’re a winner in my book ! Take care and stay as wonderful as you are 🙂
Thank you Elizabeth 🙂