The Real Me – Things I’m Afraid To Tell You
Jul 06, 2012, Updated Aug 31, 2018
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I’m not perfect.
There are lots of things about myself that I try to hide because I’m afraid people would think I’m nuts. That’s when I saw this article on Oprah and it inspired a change. I want my readers to know the real me. I want them to know my craziness. It’s what makes me…me….you know?
So here it goes. This is me. This is the raw, crazy me.
1. I’m an extremely jealous person. Anytime I’m happy for someone I also have a big feeling of jealousy rise up in my gut. I hate this about myself but at the same time cannot seem to beat it.
2. When I get angry I often say out loud “I hope they break a toe!” It’s just about the least horrible physical thing I can wish upon a person.
3. I’m horribly overweight. The frustrating thing is that I know a lot about food. I know how the body works, how it’s processed and what’s healthy and what’s not. I just have a really good (bad?) habit of ignoring my knowledge and eating crap anyway. Plus it doesn’t help that I’m an emotional eater. I’m sad. I eat. I’m happy. I eat…sigh. Also, being overweight makes me nervous when I met new people. I’m afraid they won’t like me.
4. I love the idea of eating organic more than the actual process. Sometimes I’m lazy and I want to just buy a bag of already cut up lettuce.
5. I DVR WAY too much tv. The shows I watch are horrible and some of them are geared towards high school age kids. Now I’m going to share those shows with you. No judging!
- Americas Next Top Model
- Hell’s Kitchen
- Sister Wives
- Toddlers & Tiaras
- Dance Mom’s
- The Bachelor/ette
- Bridezillas
- Food Network Star/Next Iron Chef
- Top Chef
- The People’s Court
- Judge Judy
- Craft Wars
- The Soup
- Tosh.O
- Vampire Diaries
- The Client List
- Switched at Birth
- Jane by Design
- The Lying Game
- Pretty Little Liars
- Louie
- Melissa & Joey
- Psych
- Any movie thats on ABC Family, Lifetime or Hallmark.
6. I was previously engaged to a not so nice guy. I was going to get married because I just figured that was going to be my life. Then I finally got the guts to leave. I’m now engaged and getting married in October (squeal!) and couldn’t be happier. Art (my fiancee) is caring, sweet and funny. In other words, he’s the best 🙂
7. I’m scared to death of flying. I hate hate hate it. We are going to Aruba in August and anytime I think about it I start to have a panic attack. I don’t understand how people can like flying.
8. I have a massive fear of dying and am always worried about it. I won’t even wear a scarf while driving because I’m scared that if I got into a crash it would somehow strangle me. Also, anytime I have a pain in my leg I start freaking out because I thinks it’s a blood clot.
9. When I was 7 years old I stole a rabbit. I took it home and told my mom I found it in the yard. She wouldn’t let me keep the rabbit and made me put it back in the yard. I’m not sure what happened to the rabbit. I still feel horrible about the whole thing.
10. Sometimes I want to make a fake Twitter account just so I can talk about all the food bloggers I can’t stand. I know it’s really immature but sometimes I really can’t stand certain people. Don’t worry. If you are reading this it’s not you 🙂
11. When I was 14 I was diagnosed with PCOS and it screws up my entire body. Apparently this also means I’m not supposed to be able to conceive children. I always have mixed feelings about this. I have never felt like I was the “motherly” type (I know that’s weird since I’m a nanny but it really is two different things) so I like being childless. However, I don’t really like having that option taken away from me either. I feel as thought I would rather be childless by choice rather than childless by medical issue. PCOS took the option away from me and that really bugs me.
12. I’m snarky.
13. I hate doing laundry. I would rather buy new socks than do the laundry.
14. I’m a very outgoing person but get extremely nervous in social situations. I’m always afraid people are judging me.
15. I graduated from college over 3 years ago (I went to college late) and have still not found a “real” job. This really bugs me and makes me regret going to college. That debt is a killer.
16. I haven’t had health insurance in over 8 years. Anytime I get a cold I get worried it’s going to be pneumonia and I’m going to die because I can’t afford health care.
17. I always feel bad when I see food bloggers work has been stolen. Then I insanely think to myself “Well wait…why wasn’t my work stolen? Is it not good enough to be stolen?”
18. When I’m trying to fall asleep I often think about what it would be like to win the lottery. I usually drift off when I start designing my dream kitchen…
19. I have a fear of swimming in “dark water” and hate anything that’s not a pool. The thought of living things inside the water (touching me….gross!) just really freaks me out.
20. I’m scared that on my wedding day people will be thinking “she has a really fat back….”
Ok. There are 20 things about me. Did I scare you off? Will you read my blog again?
While writing my 20 things I learned I’m scared of a lot of things. I need to read a self-help book I think. Either that or drink a few more beers….
Now it’s your turn – share. What are you afraid to say out loud?
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I got the idea for this post from an article I read on Oprah. After reading the article I learned that is stemmed from an original posting by the blogger Jess Constable who runs Makeunder My Life. From there it turned into something larger thanks to Ez who invited others to join in on the journey to share the truth 🙂 *Main image courtesy of Ez.
Very powerful post. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with my fears…they inhabit my everyday life, affect me, my family and my friends….writing Bestfoodies blog and visiting all the wonderful blogs out there is suppose to be “therapy” for me and a way to get me to communicate with more people as I am not a social person at all. Let me share how that goes, I write a post then I worry it sucks and that one will read it, and then that I am a bad blogger and why can’t I break into the blogging tight circle and how bad my pics are and what if someone tries the recipe and it flops for them or what if it’s too close to someone elses recipe ( which I totally think there is only so many basic recipes out there and we all just modify them…there my brave comment for the year) and on and on and on …soooo the result is although I love blogging I tend to be running from it a lot lately and the heat and the summer family time as well as all my other health issues seem to make it easy to take “flight”….thanks for being so brave…wish me luck1
So proud of you as always. For someone with so many fears you are one of the most courageous, cool, funny, and interesting ladies I’ve ever met. Very glad you’re my sister!
I am new to your blog and this post hooked me. First, I never thought I’d meet someone that had similar DVR tastes to me, my husband leaves the room for much of this tv. I am overweight and was overweight when we got married and to be honest, I found a great photographer that didn’t take (or at least didn’t show me) and unflattering pictures of myself so all of that worrying was for naught you will be gorgeous because you are in love :)Also, I totally understand about PCOS. I was diagnosed over a decade ago and trying to beat the odds, and that is my biggest fear, that I won’t beat the odds… Thanks for sharing!
I’m late replying to this, but I just had to write and tell you how brave I think you are! And how much we have in common! Seriously, I worry more (much more) than the average person. You should see me when my husband is traveling and I’m home alone at night – I’m seriously a wreck. I also watch tv shows that aren’t the most intellectually stimulating, I also struggle wih jealousy (who doesnt??), I worry about people judging me, and seriously, living things in the water terrify me! We live in Michigan where there are a million lakes and everyone swims in them. Everyone but me. My husband tried to take me snorkeling on our honeymoon and I freaked out when the fish got too close, climbed on his back and looked so genuinely terrified that the people around us had to ask if I was ok. Ha, still makes me laugh (and turn red). Anyway, sorry for writing a novel, just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone!
I completely appreciate your brutal honesty here. The courage it must have taken for you to write this is astounding! I must tell you, I saw myself in MANY of your listings. The most brutally honest thing I can tell you about myself here is that I try to hard to have people like me. I sensor myself and hold back my true feelings because I need to feel liked. Don’t know why. Most of the people I’m trying to get to like me, I don’t even know (in real life) so I don’t get the importance. I think most of all I don’t want to feel invisible (and yet sometimes I do). I’m an odd mix of insecurities. There. That’s enough for one day. LOL I’m very happy for you and your upcoming wedding! I’m glad you found the man you can’t live without! Congratulations Brandy!
I can’t believe I missed this post! I love you!
No. 17 especially cracked me up. I’m sure lots of us have had the same crazy thoughts. I’m so glad you found a really terrific guy. I wish you all the bests.
I too am an emotional eater. I really hate going out to eat with people because I feel like they are saying mean things about me when I don’t order a salad. I also convince myself when I don’t get a client that I’ve had a meeting with its because I am fat and have crooked teeth. Then I eat something bad for me. It’s a vicious cycle.
I also convince myself of blood clots when my legs hurt. I think I googled why those dumb airplane manuals tell you to get up and move around and I’ve been paranoid since.
You are so brave for posting this! Xo you!
You are too cute!
Number 7, 8, 14, and 19 are me!
This is a fabulous post, and has actually made me want to read your site more. I was just diagnosed with PCOS, after struggling with weight for the last several years, and doctors not being able to figure it out.